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E4 to make Celebrity Big Brother Spin-Off

Just when you thought it was safe to switch the TV back on, E4 have announced that although they've canceled next year's Celebrity Big Brother, in its place will be... well, something that sounds more or less like Celebrity Big Brother.

In this show, though, known as 'Big Brother Celebrity Hijack',the crucial twist is that the celebrities actually get to BE Big Brother, directing the activities of a group of 18 -21 year olds. So, a sort of hybrid BB/Celeb BB then. GOD. Producers have yet to confirm who will be taking part, but are apparently auditioning "the country's most exceptional people" in the hope of assembling a cast of "prodigies". The mind boggles...

Ziggy and Chanelle discuss marriage and children

Hats at the ready, people - Ziggy and Chanelle are talking weddings! In an interview with Now! magazine, Chanelle reveals that a wedding could be on the agenda, and says she'd made it clear to Ziggy that she wants to get married in a castle. Now, that reminds me of some celebrity couple... who could it be, I wonder?

Even more worryingly, Chanelle says they've also talked about children, with the name "Annie" emerging as a favourite for future little Chiggys. Now I know that can't be right - everyone knows the Beckhams have boys, and went for the place of conception for the name of their firstborn. Then again, I guess "Big Brother House" wouldn't be that great a name for a kid, eh?

Names of X Factor finalists leaked on the internet

First of all, let me just quickly say that this isn't where the names of the X Factor finalists have been leaked. Sorry. Leaked they have been, though, and the show has apparently been "thrown into turmoil" with show insiders describing the situation as their "worst nightmare" and the contestants forced into hiding, for fear that the location of the X Factor house will be found out.

Shades of Big Brother here as the X Factor refuse to confirm who's actually through, but one thing that seems pretty certain - as if we couldn't have guessed it anyway - is that manufactured girl group Hope are among the 12 finalists. We'll find out for sure on Saturday.

Chanelle Hayes still lacking own identity as she copies Posh's eating habits and meets Beck's sister

I wouldn't have thought anyone in their right mind would want to copy Victoria Beckham's eating habits, but of course, Chanelle isn't really in her right mind, is she? Just to prove it, she's apparently gone to great lengths to research what Victoria's been eating lately, and copied one of her meals exactly at the recent Big Brother reunion meal. Looks like the whole "developing her own idenity" still isn't working out too well for Chanelle, then...

Chanelle later had what must have been a near-religious experience for her as she managed to get herself introduced to David Beckham's sister, Joanne, at an Essex nightclub. Wouldn't I have just loved to have been a fly on the wall for that little tete a tete...

Chanelle denies cheating on Ziggy, hooks up with Calumn Best

OK, let's just get this straight: has anyone not hooked up with Calumn Best? Anyone at all? No? Thought not. Chanelle Hayes is the latest in a string of "beauties" to be spotted with Calumn - doesn't she look like she's enjoying all the attention? Whether anything actually happened or not, hanging out with the male Lindsay Lohan is kinda strange behaviour for someone  so recently accused of cheating on her boyfriend.

Earlier this week, Chanelle was accused of cheating on Ziggy with fellow Big Brother contestant Billi Bhatti - his ex-girlfriend was the one doing the accusing. Both Billi and Chanelle have now denied that the incident ever happened, with Chanelle calling Billi "a complete fantasist." Well, I guess it takes one to know one...

Former teen pop star Billie Piper says kids shouldn't be allowed on X Factor

Billie Piper, who was 15 years old when she released her first single, says  she doesn't think 15 year-olds should be allowed to appear on The X Factor. Well, hi there, Pot, this is Kettle calling....

Actually, Billie doesn't think 16-year-olds should be allowed on the show, either. Or 17-year-olds for that matter. No, she thinks the minimum age should be 18, which is a bit rich, really, coming from her. I mean, if only that kind of rule had been in effect when she was a kid, we might have been spared the horror that was "Because We Want To"!

"As a teenager you’re so full of teenage angst anyway. I don’t think it’s good. I don’t think it’s a great idea. I think it’s slightly greedy," says Billie, adding that the kids should wait until their voices mature. You know, like she did.

Shilpa Shetty arrested over Richard Gere kiss

No, you haven't just gone back in time to April, when this incident actually happened - it's just that immigration officers at Mumbai airport apparently had no record of the Supreme Court ruling which overturned a decision to stop Shilpa Shetty leaving the country because of it. They stopped the Celebrity Big Brother star at the airport and subjected her to "prolonged questioning" before finally allowing her to go on her way.

When the infamous kiss first happened, it was claimed that it violated India's anti-obscenity laws. Good job they didn't get to see Jade Goody's first stint on Big Brother, then, if they think a kiss on the cheek is "obscene"...

At the time of writing, Shilpa Shetty is once again a free woman. Big-Blogger heaves a sigh of relief.

The X Factor has saved someone's life. No, really.

You know those little heartwarming/moving stories they always show on the X Factor to encourage us to like the contestants, and perhaps distract us from the fact that it can be really rather boring until it gets to the live shows (and sometimes even after that?). Here's the best one yet...

Would-be contestant, Jacqui Gray, was seen on last week's show, singing 'Something Inside so Strong'. "You have a very odd-sounding voice. Something happens to your throat when you sing," said Simon Cowell. "It's quite raspy. It sounds as if you have someone else in there. It sounded like you were choking on something."

Cowell, seconded by Sharon Osbourne, advised Jacqui to seek medical attention, and it's a good job he did, because she turned out to have potentially fatal bronchiectasis. "They really did save my life," said Jacqui. Simin Cowell, my hero...

Big Brother Twins make a million in less than a month. No wonder they're dancing.

I'm sure I could say something here about how the fact that Sam and Amanda Marchant have made £1 million since leaving Big Brother is a sad reflection on a society in which, in order to be successful, all you need to do is be blonde, slightly dim and a twin. I mean, I could, but that would just be churlish and mean because it's Sam! And Amanda! It's the Big Brother twins, and we love the Big Brother twins! Don't we?

No sarcasm intended, by the way. I like Sam and Amanda, and I say good on 'em for ruthlessly milking the fact that a lot of people out there are suckers for pretty blonde twins. According to The Sun ("Sam and Amanda are 'twin' the money!"), as well as their Barbie Girl single, the twins also have deals for a perfume, a skincare range and the ubiquitous Big-Brother-contestant-fitness video. Miss Selfridge and Jane Norman are in a "bidding war" to sign them up for a fashion line. So, basically, it's all coming up roses for Sam and Amanda. Pink roses, natch...

Sam and Amanda Marchant's 'Barbie Girl' video

Lots and lots of heavy production and vocal effects, plus some not-very-good miming in this blatant attempt to cash in on Samanda's current "fame".  As far as cover versions go, this was the obvious choice for the Big Brother twins. Can they actually sing, though? Well, who knows, but they're so likeable it's hard to resent them for all the money they're currently making. As the lyrics say, they're blonde, bimbo girls in a fantasy world, and who can blame them for making the most of it?

Jade Goody gets burgled

Things are on a serious downward spiral for Jade Goody. Last week she was reported to have defaulted on the mortgage on her new,£500,000 home. This week, that home has been burgled, with around £30,000 worth of items stolen. Not going to be the best housewarming party ever then, eh?

It gets worse, though. When Jade called the police about the burglary, apparently they were more interested in the out-of-date tax disc on Jade's car than in solving the mystery of the vanishing whatever-it-was.
Poor Jade - is nothing going right for her?

Big Brother final - who wins?!

So, we're finally into the home stretch. Tell me - who do you want to win?

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Channel 4 axe next year's Celebrity Big Brother

So the Paris Hilton rumours weren't true. Who'd have thunk it? Paris definitely won't be appearing in next year's Celebrity Big Brother, and neither will anyone else for that matter, because Channel 4 have decided to axe the show. Although it seems likely to me that the move could have something to do with last year's Shilpagate controversy - perhaps a desire on Channel 4's part to let the strong feelings raised by the series to die off a little - they say it's all part of a programme of "creative renewal".

Don't worry, though, it's only for one year - Celebrity BB is expected to return as usual in 2009.

Tracey, Kara-Louise and Jonty up for eviction - two to go on Friday

So, as we move towards the final week, it looks like we're going to start getting rid of some housemates at last - maybe even Tracey "Worzel Gummidge" Barnard, who knows?

Tracey, Kara-Louise and Jonty are up for eviction this week, with two to be evicted on Friday. I have to say that, aside from her copious weeping, Kara-Louise has made almost no impression on me whatsoever, so if she goes, I'm probably not going to miss her - or, indeed, notice. Jonty... well, Jonty is still an enigma to me. While he seems like a reasonably nice guy, there's still something about him that stops me liking him unreservedly. Maybe it's his predilection for teddy bears, which is just a tad unusual in a man his age, or maybe it's just that he hasn't been around for as long as the other, more familiar house mates. Let's face it, he's not going to win it, so it doesn't really matter much if he goes, either, does it?

And then there's Tracey. "Trace". 'Av it. 'Deal wiv it'. I've always been ambivalent about Worzel. During Charley's reign of terror, she wound me up big time, by her insistence on pandering to Charley's ego. I've also been made suspicious by her vehement opposition to makeup - I mean, WHY? Why does Worzel feel so threatened by lipstick and mascara, yet makes such an effort with her self-consciously "wacky" hairdo?
Ah, the wackiness. Here we start to get at the real reason why I can't love Tracey. Tracey, you see, is the quintessential Big Brother contestant. She is obsessed with the idea of being "real" and being "honest". She's "just Trace". She would say it to your face, you know. The etiquette task totally freaked her out because it forced her to compromise her "realness" - and this is what Tracey is all about. If she doesn't have the ability to tell us over and over again how "real" and "honest" she is, she doesn't really have much, does she?

I think Jonathan (remember him? ) had Tracey sussed, way back in week  whatever-the-hell-it-was. "It's impossible to get to know someone who just repeats the same stock catchphrases all the time" said Jonathan. Yes. It is. And while  I don't  dislike Tracey, I think her time is up. It's time for Tracey to be evicted - and to "deal wiv it".

Shabnam to release a single, world weeps

Oh, what new hell is this? If rumours are to be believed (and I suspect they're probably not), scary-eyed Shabs is to release a single - namely, a version of Lulu's "Shout!"  Perhaps, "you make me wanna scream?" would be more appropriate, Shabnam?

Meanwhile, Brian has said that, having been shunned by the lovely Amanda, he intends to go after Shabs when he finally gets out of the house. Brian met Shabnam for thirty minutes, but thinks she seemed like "a nice girl". I'm sure she is, too - I just don't think I want to hear her sing about it.

Chanelle snubbed by Victoria Beckham, turns into scary stalker

She's not even in the house any more, but Chanelle Hayes continues to wind me up. Not content with iimitating Victoria Beckham in this country, Chanelle is currently stalking her idol all over L.A. - and when I say "stalking", I'm really not joking - I'm surprised the Beckhams haven't taken out an injunction against her.

Chanelle travelled to L.A. last week. Since her arrival, she's been mostly hanging around Rodeo Drive dressed up as Posh, hoping that Victoria will rock up and become her new BFF. She also attended an LA Galaxy game, where, despite being refused entry to the VIP enclosure ( I wonder why?) Chanelle still managed to steal some of the limelight from Victoria - now we know why Posh was so stony-faced when David scored that goal last week. Chanelle then made a point of telling everyone who would listen how "gorgeous" David is, and how she has "fallen for him". Yeah. What a great way to make friends with Victoria Beckham - follow her around dressed up as her, then go on about how much you fancy her husband. That'll totally work, Chanelle!

Of course, it hasn't worked. According to sources from the Beckham camp, Victoria is "flattered that Chanelle is a fan, but is in no hurry to meet her". Again: I wonder why on earth not?

Gerry gets evicted from the Big Brother house, even Davina is annoyed with him

So, I have some beef with Gerry, and I'll tell you for why.

I liked Gerry. He was one of my favourites. Sure, he could be a pain in the proverbial at times, but he was mostly articulate, thoughtful and could be reasonably interesting to watch. Until Friday night, of course, when he turned into a grovelling, pleading, brown nose. And nobody likes a brown nose, do they?

With the "Guru" housemates faced with the task of having to evict either Gerry or Carole live on air, tension should have been high. Except it wasn't, was it?  Because as soon as Davina told the housemates what was about to happen, Gerry started to grovel. "Pick me!" he begged. "Put me out! Save Carole! I love Carole!" It was horrible to watch. So intent was Gerry on trying to convince us all that he is a nice person, who puts others before himself every time, that he actually just succeeded in making himself look like a bit of an ass. 

Paris Hilton to appear on Celebrity Big Brother?

Well, she does have some experience of being incarcerated, but I still say this is one for the "I'll believe it when I see it files" - especially given that the rumour comes from The Sun, which claims that Paris Hilton is considering appearing on Celebrity Big Brother.

This report is a little conflicting, as on the one hand we have Paris allegedly being told to "name her price" and on the other we have her being offered "£300,000". Now, clearly I have no particular insight into Paris Hilton's mind, but don't you think she'd want a little more than that?

The rumour has it, of course, that the REAL reason Paris wants to do the show is to prove that she's not just a rich, blonde airhead. Good luck with that, Paris!

Big Brother's Lie Detector test - if only Charley was still there to take it

Gerry would lie and cheat to win Big Brother. Well, fair play to him - I probably would too, given that it's a GAME and the object of the game is... well, winning. Most of the contestants haven't realised this yet, though. Still consumed by the idea that some people might have - whisper it - a game plan - and totally failing to realise that it would be stupid to try and play the game without one, they watch avidly as each member of the house takes the lie detector test.

Things we learn from the lie detector:

• Brian really didn't have a clue who Shakespeare was, despite his mum's claims to the contrary
• Carole enjoys being the mother of the house - no!
• Carole doesn't fancy Ziggy
• Tracey doesn't fancy anyone
• Tracey is honest. Well, yeah, she is "honest Trace" - we knew that, didn't we?

Is any of this rocking your world yet? No, mine neither. We do, however, learn that Gerry would betray one of his fellow house mates, which comes as something of a surprise -not least to Gerry, who can't quite believe he said it, and retires to the bathroom to talk to himself and sob.

We also learn (although without the help of the lie detector) that some of the housemates are more stupid than anyone has a right to be. These housemates are Sam, Amanda, Brian, Kara-Louise and Carole, who have been using eye makeup to write messages to each other, and don't seem to have clocked onto the fact that BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING. D'oh!

On Friday, Davina will tell the house which two housemates received the most votes in the eviction poll. It will be up to their "friends" to decide who goes. Better get ready for a spot of betrayin', Gerry...